Creating a Space That Feels Like Me

Riley's crate is so much bigger than this!

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I’m sitting here drinking my coffee and finally decided it was time to stop being lazy and put my thoughts into a blog. I’ve been meaning to write this for a few days now, but life keeps moving, and sometimes it’s easier to say I’ll get to it later. Today is the day!

Streaming has been going pretty well. I’m genuinely enjoying the people who come into my lives, and I’m truly appreciative of the ones who follow and stick around. I’ve come a long way already, and I know this is sounding like I'm repeating myself. I am. When someone follows, there’s usually a connection there, and that connection is what keeps me showing up.

Age and labels don’t really come into play for me. What matters is that conversations flow and feel natural. I won’t lie and pretend I didn’t want a fast grow. I did. I think most people starting out feel that way. What surprised me is how much I’ve come to appreciate slower growth. The people coming into my streams now allow for conversations that actually work. It doesn’t feel rushed or forced. It feels real.

I’ll be honest, I don’t know if I could handle a massive audience all at once. But if it happens, I’ll figure it out. For now, I’ve even found myself enjoying the people who pop in just to give me grief. It doesn’t throw me off the way I thought it might. I can handle it.

One thing about me, and maybe it’s not a bad thing, is that I’m very visual. I know not everyone is wired that way, but I am. When I watch my own lives back or work on TikToks, everything has to look right to me. Picture perfect. So no one judges. You don't have too I judge myself! So there!!! I’ve changed the background behind me more times than I can count. It has to be neat, and it has to be something I actually enjoy looking at. If I don’t like it, it stays in the back of my mind the entire time. Until I change it again. Which i do. Many times.

My office isn’t small, but there’s one thing in it that constantly bothers me: Riley’s crate. It’s huge. She’s had it since she was a puppy, so it’s not going anywhere. I do my best to hide it or camouflage it as much as possible. If you haven’t noticed it, that’s intentional. I’ll keep trying to not appear there.

Purple has always been my favorite color, and I’ll always incorporate it into my content. It feels like a villain color to me, and with toxic in my gamer tag, it fits me to a T. I recently added dark blackout curtains, which made the room darker during the day. And because I should not be trusted with a drill, I used adhesive tabs to hang the curtain rod. I tested them for a month before committing, and they’re still holding.

Did I iron the curtains? No. I’m a clean person, I just don’t go that extra mile. I’m the only one really seeing them anyway. A few wrinkles don’t bother me. If you saw the wrinkles you didn't. They’ll work themselves out eventually. I do hope to have a dream office one day, even if it still includes Riley’s massive den.

Spending this much time streaming and building behind the scenes means I’m in front of a screen more than I probably should be. Between going live, editing clips, and working on everything else, it adds up quickly. I picked up a pair of blue light glasses to help with eye strain, and I hope they are an improvement with headaches. Longer streams also mean more strain on my setup. I'll be wearing them in tonights stream. And literally my daughter just walked in and said I should get prescription ones like this because I look good. I got a compliment. Oooff!

After noticing my PC heating up during extended sessions, I added a cooling fan to help keep things running smoothly. It’s one of those practical upgrades you don’t think about until you need it, but it’s made a difference.

This whole process of creating a space that feels like me doesn’t stop with streaming. I recently made my Woman Gamer poster available in the ToxicTeener store. It’s something I wanted to put out there for women who game and don’t feel the need to explain or justify being here. Along with a few shirts for women and some for our guy friends!

It fits the same mindset I’m building my streams and community around.

Tonight I’m wearing one of my hoodies with my gaming tag on it, paired with a white sweatshirt I picked up on Amazon. Comfortable, simple, and easy to wear on stream without overthinking it. I’ve also started adding a few everyday household items to my Amazon Storefront, things I actually use while balancing streaming, home life, and everything else. Nothing fancy, just practical items that fit into my routine. All these items i got on Amazon and you can find my Amazon Storefront here.

There’s something else I want to be clear about. If you game with me and you’re reading this, and we haven’t played together while I’m streaming, it’s nothing personal. Streaming requires a certain flow. Laughter, easy conversation, and good energy matter. Extra background noise doesn’t help either. When I watch other people stream, I leave if it becomes distracting, and I try to be mindful of that when I’m live. So friends I still think of you and I promise we will game soon!

I’m building something I care about, and I want people to be part of it. That includes friends and viewers alike. It just might look a little different during live streams than it does off stream.

I also want to say this clearly! Gifts are appreciated, but never expected. Sitting in the live, engaging, laughing, and talking with people is more than enough for me. I’m not doing this strictly for money. Of course, it’s nice, but that’s not the main goal. This is something I’m building slowly, brick by brick.

The days go by fast. Between taking care of the house, the dog, dinner, laundry, and working on all of this, I could easily use more hours in the day. And on top of everything else, I’m planning my birthday. The family is involved, but if you don’t already know, now you will, I have control issues. Admitting it is the first step.

As always I'll be back. And remember don't be rude!!!!